Archive for September, 2010

Remember RIF?

Posted in Uncategorized on September 10, 2010 by CunningChrisC
fundamental, adj.  Pertaining to a foundation or basis; essential; primary:  n. a primary or essential principle; basis.
 
Does anyone remember RIF?  You know, reading is fundamental.  Well, I do.  It started in 1966 with a retired teacher in Washington, DC.  Now it’s in all 50 states, a few of our territories and several other locations and it helps poor/disadvantaged children to have access to books because reading is a fundamental part of the learning process.  My point is that someone realized that the ability to read is a valuable asset/resource and that the availability of books to help nurture this ability is essential.
 
For me NA (and AA, CA and all of the other anonymous and 12 step related programs out there)  is like RIF for recovering addicts in that they recognize the importance of literature on the topic of 12 step related programs to help nurture recovery.  Therefore, anyone seeking recovery who attends any of these types of meetings is never turned down for [available] literature they wish to have, but may not have the ability to pay for at the time.  The anonymous programs I am familiar with realize that there is nothing more effective than the power of one addict helping another and this is one of the many ways in which they do this.
 
Yes going to meetings, attaining and utilizing a sponsor and a support network and working on your steps [with a sponsor] are also essential, but to me reading is like nothing else.  When we [that are active in our recovery and our home groups and service work] provide reading material it may be what gets through to someone when nothing else can.  Or, it may be all that is available to a person seeking recovery. 
 
For instance, when I was in the general population of prison we didn’t have access to recovery related meetings (you had to be in the rehabilitation program to access that sort of thing), but every now and then we would get our hands on some recovery related reading material.  Whether the supervisor of the rehab program provided it to our unit (cell block) or some compassionate guard (perhaps themselves an addict) slipped it to us it was widely coveted.
 
Everyone in the unit wanted to have it in their cell to read and re-read at their leisure, but we knew we had to share otherwise someone would end up complaining to a guard, or there might even be a fight over it and then it would simply get taken away and none of us would have it.  No one wanted that. 
 
I think what made the books and literature so attractive to us was that there was something that each of us could identify with somewhere within the text.  No matter how different we purported to be we could all find common ground with something or someone in that literature and for some of us it was the first step on the road to recovery.
 
The other great thing about the literature is that it’s not just for addicts.  Even if the reader is not an addict they may identify with the situation/predicament that the writer is/was in.  I feel that the stories and messages delivered in the literature can be applied to many lives and used to help improve many situations, and (if nothing else) that someone may at least find a glimmer of hope that helps them carry on for one more day, and one more day, and one more day until they find their break through.
 
Christine C.  (me)

Is My Life Serene

Posted in Poems on September 8, 2010 by CunningChrisC
The day draws to its end
and I’ve made it yet again.
Another day clean,
but is my life serene?
I live one day at a time, 
from month to month and check to check,
Always wondering what can I do
to help my family make it through.
I fret and I worry with really no need
Because I know if we just stay within our means
We will always succeed.
You see, I’m blessed in that my income is [somewhat] secure,
but I guess it’s just human nature that I’m always wanting more.
Not anything truly extravagant, mind you, but little things…
I’m sure you know what I’m saying.
I want my children to have everything that I didn’t
and if I did have "it" I want them to have it better.
It doesn’t have to be name brand, or fancy,
or perfect, or "just what I wanted to the letter".
Just little things……you know?
Like a pool for the kiddies. 
Not an indoor, in-ground, heated, olympic size pool,
but one of those ones they sell at ChinaLand (aka WallyWorld).
Or how about a swingset? 
Not a Gorilla or Rainbow swingset, but one off Craigslist. 
Heck, I had to search and search for weeks
before I found one I could afford
and just when I saved the money to buy it
ChinaLand finally came on board.
In the middle of summer
they deemed the season over
and put all related items on sale.
And now that the season is actually over
and I’m putting away that pool
I look around the garage and I must pause and exhale.
I see the walls lined with shelves
full of toys and stuff and things
I wonder what was I thinking when I bought them,
What joy did I think they’d bring.
I simply can’t remember now
Why it seemed so important then.
So, I quietly contemplate while I fold that pool
all the many blessings bestowed on this old fool.
I have a beautiful, healthy family and a husband that provides.
For fourteen years now he & I have stood by each others sides.
There has been good and bad,
and sickness and health,
and we’ve been richer and poorer,
but our true wealth……
Well, I suppose that lies in the ties that bind us together
Our children, our memories, the future we will weather.
And when I look at it that way
And when I remember to let go and let God
I can see that it’s all okay
And it isn’t really all that hard.
I’ve made it through another day clean
And yes my life is serene.
 
by Christine C.  (me)  09/08/2010

Sick Day

Posted in Uncategorized on September 6, 2010 by CunningChrisC
Sorry I haven’t posted in a few days.  I have been sick with strep throat and every time I think it’s going away it pounces on me again. 
 
Saturday was the Peaceful Serenity picnic and I was really looking forward to going to that as it was going to be the first "larger"  N.A. event that I would have attended.  I’ve been to a couple of local functions that my home group and a couple of other home groups have hosted and that has been fun, but I heard that this was going to be big and a ton of fun. 
 
I was upset that I missed it because it seems that no matter how well I plan on doing something or how long in advance I prepare for an occasion something always seems to happen to screw it up.  Either I get sick, or someone in my immediate family gets sick, or something breaks that is costly to fix or replace and any money I had set aside dedicated to something ends up being used towards some "emergency". 
 
The up side of that is that at least I always have something to show for my money besides a cloud of smoke and if me or anyone in my family is sick it’s not because we are dope sick.  I owe the ability to be able to see an upside to being sick or not getting my way to N.A.  In days gone by being sick or not getting my way were great excuses to get high. 
 
Now I don’t look for excuses to justify as reasons to get high.  I just take things as they come and live in the moment one day at a time.
 
Christine C.  (me)

I Remember When, Lord

Posted in Poems on September 1, 2010 by CunningChrisC

I remember when, Lord,

Your love I could not see.

You bade me come to thee, Lord

As I cried on hands and knees,

But for my sorrow I could not see

The lighted path beneath my feet.

Yes. I remember when, Lord.

I remember when…

My wounded heart cried out for help,

I wouldn’t take your hand, to spite myself.

Each tear I cried burned down my cheek,

But still, your name, I would not speak.

Yes.  I remember when, Lord.

I remember when…

My Bible lay on a dusty shelf

I felt as though I were living in hell.

Though I knew where I was I felt so lost.

My life of sin came at too high a cost.

Yes.  I remember when, Lord.

I remember when…

The last time I called your name in vain

And deep in my heart felt a dying pain.

With each new day I feel my faith grow stronger

As I strive to hold on a little bit longer,

But I remember when, Lord

And it wasn’t so long ago.

No.  It wasn’t so long ago.

by Christine C.  (me)            April, 2005